Well, here's another Writer's Toolbox story.
Stupidity
I was dressed in a completely inappropriate shade of pink when I walked into the bar that night. I didn’t care though; I was desperate to know what happened in the last hours of my true love’s life. As I walked through the doors, the baby growing in my stomach kicked hard, “I know, I know, no drinking, but I have to know what happened to your daddy. I have to know if it really was my fault, my fault you’ll grow up without a daddy.”
The bartender recognized me from the pictures Quinn showed him, “You’re Mae right?”
“Yeah, could I get a juice and some answers, please?”
As he poured the juice for me he said, “I’m Jake, what can I do for you?”
“I need to know what happened the night Quinn died, for me and the baby,” I answered, tears welling in my eyes. Quinn was the love of my life. We had been dating for three years. And just six months ago, he asked me to marry him. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him, how I’m going to raise this baby without him.
“I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking about this with you. He was really distraught and the things he said, they were well, not at all nice and I don’t want you to think that his death was your fault; I don’t want you to lose the baby from the distress this might cause. Are you really sure you want to know?”
He looked at me like I wasn’t strong enough, like he knew Quinn’s death was completely my fault. I already knew that though, there was no other reason Quinn would have been at that place, at that time, he was running from me, from my betrayal, it’s all my fault he’s dead. “I can handle it, I already know it’s my fault, I know, I know he was running from me, just tell me what he said, what he did and I’ll be on my way.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said pulling up a chair next to me. “That night Quinn came here because, because he had just found you asleep in another guy’s arms. Because he thought that you were cheating on him. Because that night was the night he found out you were pregnant, and he thought the baby was this other guy’s. He couldn’t think of any other reason you could be five months pregnant and not tell him. If the baby was his, he said you would never have kept it from him. That night he drank and drank. I tried to talk him into letting me drive him home, but he knocked me out and took off before I could stop him.”
I couldn’t stop the tears as they flowed down my face. The baby was moving and kicking, I think he was punishing me, punishing me for being responsible for his daddy’s death. I think Jake could tell that he was right, that I wasn’t strong enough to hear all of that; he put his arm around me and said, “It’s not your fault, it really isn’t. He was determined to be stupid that night. I tried to talk to him, to reason with him. I told him to talk to you, that there had to be extenuating circumstances, but he just wouldn’t listen to me. You know how hard headed, pig headed Quinn could be.”
“I know, but that doesn’t make it any less my fault. That guy, Gabe, I was tutoring him. We got really close, I care about him, love him even, but not like I love Quinn. For Quinn to think that I would ever do that, that this baby is someone else’s, that’s what hurts more than anything. That he didn’t trust me, after everything we’ve been through, that he could think that of me,” I said as the tears started to flow again.
That really was the hardest thing for me, to know that Quinn thought that of me. I loved him more than anything in the world, and he thought I could cheat on him. That I could cheat with someone I had known for less than a year. Someone who was the complete opposite of him. Life really couldn’t have gotten much worse, to have lost Quinn because of my stupidity. I say life couldn’t have gotten much worse, but the problem was, it had gotten worse. The person driving the car that was in the accident with Quinn’s motorcycle, that person died too, so not only did my stupidity cause the death of the love of my life, but the person in the other car. A person who I knew all too well. A person who loved me, who knew me possibly better than I knew myself. A person who wouldn’t have been in that car if it weren’t for me. A person who went looking for Quinn, who went looking for Quinn as a favor for me. A person whose death now makes me understand how my baby is going to feel for the rest of his life. That person was my dad. How am I supposed to go on living after that?
All writing is property of author and cannot be used unless written permission is given.
Stupidity
I was dressed in a completely inappropriate shade of pink when I walked into the bar that night. I didn’t care though; I was desperate to know what happened in the last hours of my true love’s life. As I walked through the doors, the baby growing in my stomach kicked hard, “I know, I know, no drinking, but I have to know what happened to your daddy. I have to know if it really was my fault, my fault you’ll grow up without a daddy.”
The bartender recognized me from the pictures Quinn showed him, “You’re Mae right?”
“Yeah, could I get a juice and some answers, please?”
As he poured the juice for me he said, “I’m Jake, what can I do for you?”
“I need to know what happened the night Quinn died, for me and the baby,” I answered, tears welling in my eyes. Quinn was the love of my life. We had been dating for three years. And just six months ago, he asked me to marry him. I don’t know how I’m going to live without him, how I’m going to raise this baby without him.
“I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking about this with you. He was really distraught and the things he said, they were well, not at all nice and I don’t want you to think that his death was your fault; I don’t want you to lose the baby from the distress this might cause. Are you really sure you want to know?”
He looked at me like I wasn’t strong enough, like he knew Quinn’s death was completely my fault. I already knew that though, there was no other reason Quinn would have been at that place, at that time, he was running from me, from my betrayal, it’s all my fault he’s dead. “I can handle it, I already know it’s my fault, I know, I know he was running from me, just tell me what he said, what he did and I’ll be on my way.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said pulling up a chair next to me. “That night Quinn came here because, because he had just found you asleep in another guy’s arms. Because he thought that you were cheating on him. Because that night was the night he found out you were pregnant, and he thought the baby was this other guy’s. He couldn’t think of any other reason you could be five months pregnant and not tell him. If the baby was his, he said you would never have kept it from him. That night he drank and drank. I tried to talk him into letting me drive him home, but he knocked me out and took off before I could stop him.”
I couldn’t stop the tears as they flowed down my face. The baby was moving and kicking, I think he was punishing me, punishing me for being responsible for his daddy’s death. I think Jake could tell that he was right, that I wasn’t strong enough to hear all of that; he put his arm around me and said, “It’s not your fault, it really isn’t. He was determined to be stupid that night. I tried to talk to him, to reason with him. I told him to talk to you, that there had to be extenuating circumstances, but he just wouldn’t listen to me. You know how hard headed, pig headed Quinn could be.”
“I know, but that doesn’t make it any less my fault. That guy, Gabe, I was tutoring him. We got really close, I care about him, love him even, but not like I love Quinn. For Quinn to think that I would ever do that, that this baby is someone else’s, that’s what hurts more than anything. That he didn’t trust me, after everything we’ve been through, that he could think that of me,” I said as the tears started to flow again.
That really was the hardest thing for me, to know that Quinn thought that of me. I loved him more than anything in the world, and he thought I could cheat on him. That I could cheat with someone I had known for less than a year. Someone who was the complete opposite of him. Life really couldn’t have gotten much worse, to have lost Quinn because of my stupidity. I say life couldn’t have gotten much worse, but the problem was, it had gotten worse. The person driving the car that was in the accident with Quinn’s motorcycle, that person died too, so not only did my stupidity cause the death of the love of my life, but the person in the other car. A person who I knew all too well. A person who loved me, who knew me possibly better than I knew myself. A person who wouldn’t have been in that car if it weren’t for me. A person who went looking for Quinn, who went looking for Quinn as a favor for me. A person whose death now makes me understand how my baby is going to feel for the rest of his life. That person was my dad. How am I supposed to go on living after that?
All writing is property of author and cannot be used unless written permission is given.
No comments:
Post a Comment